


pray tell, what is Love?

by yukinatsu (GubraithianFire)



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: (in shinra/celty’s case), Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Girls Kissing, Questioning, anri is a lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 18:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12989832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GubraithianFire/pseuds/yukinatsu
Summary: Sonohara Anri looks for answers about love in all the wrong places.Or: how everyone is shit at giving love advice, except maybe Akabayashi.–Set right after the end of “Durarara!! x2 Ketsu”





	pray tell, what is Love?

**Author's Note:**

> lmao, yesterday I wrote a ons fic in two hours from 4am to 6am, and today I wrote this in ONE (1) hour, from 2am to 3am. Guess I should get more sleep and stop shsgshsj
> 
> ANYWAY, first fic in this fandom, pls be kind!! 
> 
> \- - -
> 
> _dedicated to my beautiful girlfriend, julia, because she loves erika and durarara!! more than words can express._

Anri wanders around Ikebukuro aimlessly, a frown on her face. Mikado has woken up a few months ago from his coma, and she and Masaomi couldn’t be happier.

Nevertheless, something is bugging her.

Akabayashi had asked her, moments before Mikado came to his senses, if she liked him.

“Yes,” she had answered, because she does. But does she like him as _more_  than friends or doesn’t she? Is she in love with Kida instead? But Masaomi is with Saki... And Anri is nothing more than a parasite that feeds off other people and leaves them empty.

No, she needs to stop with this chain of thought. Talking to Erika and the others about Saika had really made her realise that she was no monster, no parasite. She was just Anri, and Anri happened to wield a demon sword. Weirder things had happened in Ikebukuro.

What _is_  love anyway? She reckons she should ask Saika.

“Tell, Saika, what is love?”

“ _Love, love, love humans_ ,” the voice inside her head, the voice she knows so well, whispers.

“Yeah but what does it mean to _love_?”

“ _Love is slashing, love is control, like a Mother to her children_.”

Anri shakes her head. She can’t help but smile.

Saika doesn’t know how to love.

“DAMN FLEA!” A booming voice roars from the end of the road. A flash, and Anri barely avoids a vending machine being thrown few centimetres from her face.

It’s then that she sees Orihara Izaya, the man she hates so much, trumping over the destroyed vending machine, a smug smile on his face, his pocket knife in dangling from his hand.

Heiwajima Shizuo comes stomping down the road, a street lamp in his hands.

Some people are gasping, some filming with their phones, some are calling the police, some running away.

Anri wants to stop them from fighting, because SHE wants to be the one to annihilate Orihara Izaya.

“Excuse me,” she yells, bowing her head slightly, her eyes fixed on the two men. They turn to stare at her, twin frowns on their faces.

“Sonohara?” Shizuo cocks his head, perplexed, fixing the lamp pole on his shoulder, a cigarette dangling from the corner of the mouth, his sunglesses all crooked.

Maybe he knows.

“Erm, please tell me, what does it mean to love?”

“Huh?” Anri knows Shizuo must be seriously evaluating her mental state. But she really needs to know, and she kinda hoped Izaya and Shizuo would stop fighting if she had asked them, which had happened.

“Are you serious right now?”

Anri blushes beet red. She nods.

Shizuo sighs. “Love is your family. Protecting them and buying them clothes and all that crap.”

Anri nods. Not the kind of love she was going for, familial love (she has never felt it).

“Don’t sell yourself short, Shizu-chan,” Izaya smiles, “You perfectly know that love is trying to murder someone and constantly failing.”

“BASTARD!” Shizuo yells, throwing the pole at him. Izaya laughs, and with an agile jump, he disappears behind a bridge.

Shizuo follows in his stride.

———

Few hours later, Anri is in Mikado’s flat, eating instant noodles, helping Mikado with all the schoolwork he missed while he was unconscious.

Mikado is getting closer and closer by the second, and Anri is getting more and more tense.

“Sonohara-san, I have something to say.”

No, please no, Anri thinks to herself.

“I love you, Sonohara-san.”

“Ryugamine-kun,” Anri whispers, too afraid to speak more loudly, “I don’t know if I love you back. See, because of Saika, I never understood love. So, please, pray tell, what is love?”

Mikado blushes slightly, scratching at his temple with his finger, smiling sheepishly.

“Well, I guess, love is... Love is... Something out of the ordinary. Something that is never boring.”

That doesn’t sound quite right to Anri. Aren’t two lovers bound to get bored sometimes, and aren’t they supposed to get through it because they love each other? Isn’t love a constant fight?

She purses her lips, tucking a strand of her short hair behind one ear.

“Let’s resume our homework,” She simply says, and feels a sting at Mikado’s crestfallen face.

But she cannot love him until she knows what love is.

———

Celty must know. She is in a long-term, stable, loving relationship with a human, despite not being one herself. She _must_  have the answer.

After helping Mikado out, Anri runs to Celty’s place. She gets to the dullahan’s door breathless, and rings the doorbell.

“Anri, you okay?” Celty types on her phone, and Anri nods.

Celty leads her to the kitchen and offers her a glass of fresh water.

“Who was that?” Shinra asks, emerging from the room he shares with Celty, his lab coat swirling in the air.

“Oh, Anri, welcome! Anything we can do for you?”

“Ryugamine-kun confessed to me,” Anri blurts out.

“It was only a matter of time,” Shinra says, while Celty types on her phone.

“Do you love him?”

“That is the problem, Celty-san! I don’t know if I love him, I have never loved anyone.”

That feels like a lie, but Anri shakes the feeling away. She has _not_  ever loved anyone, ever, so why is her heart racing, why can she see warm brown eyes and a kind smile and cosplay clothes and why can she smell the scent of brand new mangas, why...

Celty doesn’t have a head, but Anri knows the dullahan is looking at her with inquisitive eyes.

“Love is what my Celty and I have!” Shinra exclaims, hugging Celty tight, “It’s fervent nights of passio-”

Celty’s shadow appears from her fingertips, and wraps itself around Shinra’s mouth and arms, successfully immobilising and silencing him for good.

Anri chuckles.

“I cannot teach you what love is, Anri, that is something you find out for yourself, because love is different for everyone.”

That didn’t help much, now, did it?

“Thank you, Celty-san.”

———

Anri is at a loss. How can she know what love is? Why is it so hard for her to love one boy?

She hugs her pillow to herself, and pretends it’s Mikado.

She feels nothing.

Now, _now_ , if the pillow had curves and smelled of lilies and-

The doorbell rings, and Anri jumps up, startled.

She pads to the door barefoot, in her pyjamas, ready to wield Saika if someone is there to hurt her, like it had happened with Varona.

She peers through the peephole, and sees Akabayashi. Smiling, she opens the door.

“May I come in?”

Anri grins at him and leads the way to the table by her bed.

They kneel and Akabayashi starts asking about school, about Mikado’s and Kida’s health, and lastly -

“And how is it going with the boyfriends?”

Anri chokes on her own saliva and stares wide-eyed at Akabayashi.

He must know what love is. After all, he loved her mom, and he’s still helping Anri herself out.

She tells him everything, and finally, she asks, “Please, I need to know how to love Ryugamine-kun.”

Akabayashi chuckles, “It’s not something I can teach you, kid.”

One look at Anri’s crestfallen face, and Akabayashi rushes to add, “Have you ever loved a boy before?”

Anri shakes her head no, “Never, ever.”

Akabayashi looks at her with his sane eye, piercing through her.

“Something tells me you _do_  know what love is. You’re just scared of the answer.”

Anri frowns.

“I will be forward. You’ve never loved a boy. How about a girl?”

Anri is ready to say no, but her mind flies to Mika, her only friend, the first person who had ever let her feed off her like a parasite.

It’s only a few milliseconds, because after that, her mind is filled by a crazy manga-lover, a hat on her head, smile on her face.

Tears prickle in Anri’s eyes.

Akabayashi sighs. “Does this girl love you back?”

Anri thinks of days spent playing cosplay, of hugs and smiles and laughter and...

“I don’t know.”

“I think you should ask.”

Akabayashi pats her head, and Anri leans in the touch, starved for human contanct.

———

Anri runs. She runs and runs, until she is at Russian Sushi.

She knows Erika is there with her gang, like every Thursday night.

She barges in the restaurant and spots Erika’s table.

“Erika-san,” She calls when she is in earshot area, “Can we talk?”

Erika looks up, a little surprised, as do Walker, Tanaka and Kadota.

Erika stands up and follows Anri outside, exchanging glanced with the others.

Anri wants to ask, “What is love?”

What she says is, “I never felt truly happy, not until the day you took me by the hand and cosplayed with me. For the first time I didn’t feel like a parasite, but I felt like our connection was mutual. You were one of the first people to know about Saika, and yet you never treated me differently. What I mean... What I mean is... I was so confused about Ryugamine-kun and Kida-kun because I didn’t understand why I didn’t love them and it’s because... I... love...”

The last word is so hard to say, Anri has to shut her eyes and whisper, “You.”

She hears Erika gasp, and she knows shes done for. There is no chance in hell Erika feels the same-

Arms around her.

“Anri-chan,” Erika whispers, then bends down to place a kiss on Anri’s nose.

“I feel the same.”

“Even if I’m a Saika wielder? Even if I’m a parasite? Even if-”

Erika places one finger on Anri’s lips.

“I love you too, Anri-chan.”

Anri doesn’t realise she’s crying until the moment a sobs rips through her chest. This makes all so much sense.

———

Anri still doesn’t know what love is, but maybe, maybe it’s the feeling of Erika’s warm body against hers under the sheets, maybe it’s the taste of her kisses and the texture of her lips and the colour of her eyes.

Maybe _Erika_ is love.

Anri doesn’t know.

What she knows, is that she will never let Erika go.

 

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave a comment if you enjoyeed!! 
> 
> my tumblr is @clarimasu :) 
> 
> anyway i should go to bed kill me


End file.
